


Victor and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Plan

by animomma



Series: The Life and Times of Victuuri [8]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Birthday, M/M, Terrible Plans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29482884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animomma/pseuds/animomma
Summary: Victor tries to plan a surprise birthday for Yuuri, but everything goes awry.Featuring a very bad pole I MEAN plan.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Series: The Life and Times of Victuuri [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1166879
Kudos: 17





	Victor and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Plan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MagicFish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicFish/gifts).



> Many thanks to MagicFish for the title, and for basically being the reason I wrote this fic.

On the morning of Yuuri’s birthday, Victor woke up extra early. He was bursting with nervous energy, and decided to stop fighting it and put it to good use instead. Stealthily, he slipped out of bed, taking care not to disturb his husband as he slept. He wanted to make sure that today Yuuri was allowed to sleep in as much as he desired. Besides, Victor still had a lot to prepare, and wanted as much of it to be a surprise as possible. This was Yuuri’s first birthday since they had been married, and his first birthday in a foreign country without his family. Victor knew that Yuuri had studied in America for several years, but he’d had Phichit and his other friends then. This was different. Sure, he had made friends here, but Victor was still his main support as Yuuri navigated life in Russia. Therefore, it was up to Victor to make sure that this first birthday was amazing, and set the tone for the other birthdays they would be celebrating together.

He made it successfully to the living room where he was greeted by Makkachin. The poodle darted to the door, a little confused about the early start but still ready for his morning walk. Victor hooked up his leash and managed to get the dog out of the apartment with minimal noise, hopefully not waking his husband in the process. 

They went for a short walk through the nearby park. As Makkachin relieved himself, Victor looked around and mused, as he often did, that this would be a great place to bring children. He hadn’t chosen his apartment for that reason, as he’d bought it prior to even meeting Yuuri, but he was glad that the location was suitable for their lives to grow further together. His husband certainly didn’t seem to have any complaints, as their home rink was also within easy walking distance. Victor was hoping that they would be able to keep the apartment long-term, although if Yuuri wanted to move, he would do so without a second thought. What he wanted the most was for his spouse’s needs to be met. 

His rosy musings lasted throughout his walk with Makkachin, and made the whole outing seem to pass quickly. They returned to the apartment before the time that Victor and Yuuri normally woke up to go to practice. Quietly, Victor slipped into the kitchen and started preparing breakfast.

Yuuri was the one who did the bulk of the cooking in their household, but Victor still did his best to pitch in where he could. Since Yuuri had moved in, Victor had been trying his hardest to polish the few culinary skills he had into something passable so he could share some of the burden of the cooking responsibility. He wasn’t overly confident in his skills, but he felt equipped enough to prepare a birthday breakfast for his husband.

He set about the kitchen as noiselessly as he could, starting the rice cooker, getting out pans, mixing different foods, scrolling through his phone for recipes when he forgot something. He was so wrapped up in his tasks that he didn’t hear footsteps behind him until a kiss was planted on his neck.

With a yelp, he jumped and spun around. Yuuri immediately apologized, “Oh, I’m sorry Vitya, I didn’t mean to startle you. I thought you heard me.” 

Victor smiled lovingly in response. “No, I didn’t, but it’s fine, lapochka.” He leaned in for a kiss, and saw his spouse’s lips quiver. Drawing back, he carefully examined Yuuri’s face and exclaimed with some surprise, “You’re laughing at me!”

“What?” Yuuri’s hands flew to his lips, but it did little to hide the sparkle in his eyes. “No, of course not! I would never laugh at you. No matter how adorable you are.” 

Victor pulled Yuuri’s hand away from his mouth, and his suspicions were confirmed when a huge smile was revealed. The second he was exposed, Yuuri burst out laughing. Victor couldn’t help but join in, chuckling along with his husband.

Finally, Yuuri managed to say, “I-I’m sorry, Vitya. You just looked so funny...when I startled you…” He dissolved into giggles, holding onto his husband’s shoulder to keep himself upright.

He was so adorable like this that Victor couldn’t help smiling indulgently. But he had to get back to cooking. Bending down, he sealed Yuuri’s mouth with a kiss. When he drew back, Yuuri’s eyes had gone wide. Good. With a small smirk, he said, “Happy birthday, zvezda moya.”

“Ah, that’s right. Is that what all this is about?” Yuuri indicated the kitchen with a sweep of his arm.

“Yes, exactly! So you just have a seat, I’ll be serving breakfast in a few minutes.” Turning back to the stove, Victor focused on finishing their food as his spouse obediently went to the kitchen table. 

As he portioned the food out onto plates, Victor gave a worried glance at his husband. He had tried his best to show his love, and hoped that it had been conveyed with his cooking. The appreciative look on Yuuri’s face soothed his worries, and he sat down gratefully, asking, “Does everything look all right?”

“Yes, Vitya, it looks great! Thank you so much for making breakfast for me!”

Smiling indulgently, Victor took his own seat, saying, “It’s the least I can do for my amazing husband on his birthday.”

Yuuri blushed adorably, and quickly shifted the topic. They ate a surprisingly passable breakfast, making light conversation. Victor carefully steered the conversation away from any discussion of what the day would entail. He had a few surprises up his sleeve, and wanted to make sure they stayed secret.

When they had both finished eating, Victor stood up and whisked the plates off the table. “Since we’re taking the day off from training today, why don’t you go for a quick run? Just to get in a little exercise for today.”

Yuuri grinned at his spouse. “Well, I suppose if my coach is telling me to, then I should probably listen.” He rose and walked over to where Victor was rinsing the dishes in the sink, planting a kiss on the back of his neck again.

Victor turned his head and smiled. “Nice try, but I was ready for it that time.”

“Hmm. And what makes you think I was trying to do anything? Maybe I just wanted to kiss you.” Yuuri’s arms snaked around Victor’s waist as he pressed their bodies together.

Victor swallowed hard. He was instantly turned on, as he always was by his husband’s advances. But did he have the time? He glanced at the clock. No, he was expecting his first appointment to arrive soon. He had to focus on getting Yuuri out of the apartment. He tried his best to keep a lid on his desire and scolded, “Yuuri, you should get going on your run.”

With a sigh, the younger man disentangled himself and stepped away. “All right, Vitya. I can take a hint.” He went to the living room, raising his voice to be heard. “Since I’m not doing any other training today like you said, I’ll probably be gone for a while.”

“That’s fine.” That was perfect, actually. By the time Yuuri got back, hopefully all of his surprises would be ready. He heard Yuuri getting ready to leave, and called, “Be careful!”

“Of course, anata.” The door clicked shut, and Victor was alone. He waited a few moments, making sure Yuuri wouldn’t come back for any forgotten items, and then sprang into action. He had already mixed up a cake and put it in the oven where it was baking, trusting the smell of the pancakes he had made to cover the odor. Now it was time to put some decorations out. 

He scurried into the spare room that was now set up as a guest bedroom, since Yuuri had officially switched to sleeping with him. They hardly even entered it, which had made the room the perfect place to stash surprises. Digging out a box from under the bed, Victor carried it into the living room and began to unpack it. There were a few presents that he set on their coffee table, and then he began drawing out streamers, balloons, a banner, and other decorations. Busily, he set about hanging them throughout the living room and dining room, trying his best to coordinate everything together.

He put so much effort into it that he lost track of the time. He was just taping up a clump of balloons when a loud screeching echoed throughout the apartment. Victor jumped, nearly losing his place on the chair he was standing on. His eyes widened as he realized it was the smoke alarm. Looking around, he saw smoke streaming from the kitchen entrance.

He practically dove off the chair, scrambling into the kitchen. Following the source of the smoke, he threw open the oven and pulled out the cake, barely remembering to shut the oven off in the process. The cake was a charred mess, and smoke was still filling the room. He ran to the window and opened it, trying to use a towel to clear the air.

Suddenly, he remembered to check the clock. Shit, he had kept his appointment waiting! 

He left the window open and ran out the door, barely remembering to put his shoes on. Dashing down the steps of the building, he ran out into the parking lot and immediately saw a woman standing there, leaning on her car and looking impatient.

“Yelena Borisova, I’m so sorry I kept you waiting!” Victor rushed over to her, bowing as he drew close enough to be heard in an echo of the motion his husband often used.

The woman turned, her lips pursed, but her eyes smiling. “Victor, I texted you several times. It was quite rude of you to leave your teacher out here in the cold.”

“Yes, I’m so sorry. I got a bit caught up in decorating. If you want to come in now, I’ll show you where I want it set up.” He watched her carefully for signs of anger. She was always strict on him in class, so he wasn’t entirely sure how she would react.

Thankfully, she seemed ready to let the incident go. She waved her hand. “Yes, give me just a moment. I left it in the car, since I wasn’t sure when you were coming out.” She opened her trunk and began rooting around, withdrawing various items.

As Victor opened his mouth to offer help, he heard a voice calling to him. “Victor! Hey, Victor!”

He turned and saw Phichit stepping out of a car. Victor’s eyes widened. He knew that he was running a bit behind schedule, but the Thai man still wasn’t due to arrive for at least another hour. He wasn’t given time to process this new development, however, as a motorcycle pulled into the parking lot, coming to a stop next to Yelena’s car. 

Victor practically groaned out loud. Usually he was quite happy to see his friends, but their timing was awful. They hadn’t been scheduled to arrive until later, as well. He walked over to the bike, addressing the blond sitting on the back. “Yurio, what are you all doing here? You weren’t supposed to be here for at least another hour.”

Yuri jabbed his finger over his shoulder at Phichit. “I saw on his Twitter that he was almost here, so we figured you must have wanted us early. You don’t have to be like that, Victor. We’re all here because you asked us to come.” He stepped off the bike, allowing the driver to dismount. Otabek nodded to Victor, who sighed. He hadn’t meant to be rude, especially since Yuri was right. He had been the one who had gathered them all here, flying in two of them in the process.

As Yuri stalked off to help Phichit get his bags out of the car, Victor addressed Otabek. “How was your flight?” 

“It was fine. I got in yesterday afternoon, and Yura came to pick me up.” 

Victor resisted the urge to ask questions about their sleeping arrangements. Otabek and Yuri had just started dating recently, and normally Victor wouldn't have missed this chance to tease his young friend a bit, but he was feeling a little guilty about how he had greeted his guests. 

Phichit, finally having gotten all of his bags together, came over to the growing group, smiling widely. In the distance, a fire siren sounded, but Victor ignored it in favor of greeting at least this guest cordially. He smiled and said, “You got here a bit early. Was your flight all right?”

“Yep, everything went really smoothly! We landed early, so I figured I would just come directly here. Sorry if you weren’t ready.” Phichit stopped next to the bike, Yuri holding a bag behind him.

Victor smiled. “No, you’re fine. I was just greeting my teacher. She came here to install Yuuri’s gift.” Turning, he indicated the woman who was just closing her car’s trunk. “This is Yelena Borisova, everyone. She teaches a dancing class I’ve been attending.”

As everyone introduced themselves to her, Victor frowned. He had ignored the siren at first, but it kept getting louder, and was nearing a deafening volume now. His eyes raked over the landscape, and he saw a fire truck turn down their street. His eyes grew wide as realization hit him. He watched helplessly as the truck careened into the parking lot and a few men jumped out. One of them approached the group and said, “Excuse me, do you live here?”

Victor stepped forward. “Ah, yes, I do. I’m sorry, but I believe I know what this is regarding. You see, my—”

“Vitya, what the hell is going on here?”

Yuuri’s voice rang out, and Victor froze. Shit. Shitshitshit. Slowly, he turned his head, and saw his spouse walking towards him, barely even sweating despite his long run, but looking furious.

“Ah, dorogoi, you’re back! That was pretty fast.”

The fireman reclaimed his attention. “Sir, I have to ask you to finish what you were saying. Do you know what the issue is?”

Victor’s head snapped back to the fireman as his spouse walked up beside him. “I apologize. Yes, I was baking a cake, and I left it in too long. My fire alarm did go off, but I took the cake out of the oven, so it should be fine. I’m very sorry, I forgot that the alarm was set up to alert the Fire Service automatically. If you’d like, I can take you into the apartment to show you.”

The fireman waved his hand. “No need, we have the location from the alert. We’ll just go in and do a quick sweep to make sure everything is in order. It looks like you have other things to deal with.” His eyes flicked briefly to the obviously irate Yuuri. The fireman nodded, and led the other men inside the apartment complex.

Yuuri turned to his husband. “Vitya, what the hell is going on here? I leave for an hour and I come back to everyone standing here, and the Fire Service, and...who is this?” He looked at the woman standing next to a toolbox. His eyes wandered to the package next to her, and his eyes widened. “Vitya...I know that my Russian isn’t all that great, so could you please tell me what that is?”

Yuri snickered audibly as Victor smiled nervously. “Now, lyubov moya, this is all about your birthday present. I wanted to get everyone together here to celebrate for you, since this is your first birthday in Russia, and I didn’t want you to be alone…”

“Vitya, that is not answering my questions.”

With his best disarming smile, Victor indicated his teacher yet again and said, “I’m sorry, I’m being rude again. Yuuri, this is Yelena Borisova. I’ve been taking exotic dancing lessons from her.”

Yuuri bowed automatically to the woman, his manners prevailing over all else as Yuri gave a choking gasp, and Otabek started pounding him on the back. Victor ignored them, however, scrutinizing his spouse carefully. As he straightened up, Yuuri sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I see. That’s what I was afraid of. So that box there…”

“It’s a dancing pole! I was thinking we could install it in the bedroom so I could show you what I’ve been working on. You were so amazing the last time you danced, so I thought it would be fun to have one. Yelena Borisova says that it’s best to have a professional install them, and very kindly offered to come help me out.”

Yuuri smiled thinly at the woman. “Thank you. That was very kind of you.”

Yelena shifted, looking slightly uncomfortable. “I understand that this was supposed to be a surprise, but since there appears to be a lot going on, perhaps it would be best if I came back a different time?”

“No, no, I wouldn’t want you to go out of your way again!” Victor rushed to stop her. “Look, Yurio, why don’t you take her up to our apartment and show her our bedroom? It can go anywhere in there that you think has enough space.”

Yuri’s face flushed red, and he sputtered, “No way! If you think I’m getting mixed up in all of this weird sex stuff—”

Otabek placed a hand on his back. “Yura, it’s fine. I’ll go with you. We can take Phichit’s bags up with us, too.” He gave Yuri a meaningful look that thankfully got him to shut up. Yuri nodded, but glared at Victor as he stalked away.

Phichit followed after him, calling, “Hey, be careful not to get in the way of the firefighters!”

Otabek nodded to the instructor and said, “I’ll guide you up, if you’re ready.” He bent forward and picked up the toolbox before leading the way into the building.

Victor watched them all leave, feeling almost forlorn. Now there was no one to buffer him from his husband’s ire. Slowly, he turned to face Yuuri, giving his best smile. “Lyubimiy, I—”

“Don’t even start on pet names with me, Vitya! What in the world has been going on here? You thought that having everyone arrive at the same time as a stripper pole was a good idea?”

“No, of course not! I scheduled the pole installation for half an hour ago. I just got wrapped up in decorating, and forgot about it...and then the whole thing with the cake happened…” He felt a little deflated just thinking about it.

“That’s another thing! You left the apartment with smoke in it? Is Makkachin okay?”

Victor nodded. “Yes, he’s fine. The smoke was only in the kitchen, and I left the window open. Besides, it wasn’t like there was any actual fire.” He drooped his head down a little, starting to feel sorry for himself. “And then everyone got here early. They weren’t supposed to be here for another hour. I’m sorry, Yuuri. I ruined everything, when I just wanted to give you a nice birthday.”

Yuuri sighed and stepped forward, catching up Victor’s hand in his own. “Now, Vitya, don’t say that. It was very nice of you to do all of that. Even if your timing and execution were…”

“Terrible, horrible, maybe even awful?” Victor said morosely.

A smile poked at the corner of his husband’s mouth. “Yes, one of those adjectives is probably adequate. But honestly, Vitya, I can’t say I should really be surprised. Things always seem to get a little blown out of proportion when you’re involved.” He stepped closer, wrapping his other arm around Victor’s neck. “I do appreciate what you were trying to do for me, though.”

Hopefully, Victor asked, “Does that mean you’re not mad at me?”

“I wouldn’t go that far. You still embarrassed me in front of my friends and a total stranger on my birthday.”

“And the Fire Service,” Victor supplied helpfully, starting to perk up a little.

Yuuri laughed. “You aren’t helping your case here.”

Smiling back, Victor replied, “But you love me anyway.”

“Yes, of course I do.” Yuuri kissed Victor softly, then said, “Even if you do have very bad plans. Now come on, let’s go inside and do some damage control. We still have guests to entertain, after all. And we probably need to talk to the firefighters.”

Not letting go of his husband’s hand, Victor followed him obediently towards their apartment. “Guess this means we’ll have to send someone to buy a cake,” Victor mused.

Yuuri snorted. “I suppose so. And Vitya, I’m sorry I got mad. It is a lovely surprise having everyone come, even though I’m not looking forward to their input on this whole fiasco. It’s still nice to have them, since I didn’t think anyone would be here to celebrate with us at all.” 

Victor grinned, gratified to see the happiness in his spouse’s eyes that he had been aiming for. “Of course, lyubov moya. Anything for you.”

“Just promise me one thing. Next year, don’t try to plan any surprises.”

Victor stole a quick kiss from Yuuri’s lips. “I can’t promise that, lapochka. But I can at least promise no more stripper poles.”

**Author's Note:**

> Translation notes (Russian words):
> 
> lapochka: generic endearment, close to sweetie  
> zvezda moya: my star  
> anata (Japanse): generally used by wives to mean "dear"  
> dorogoi: dear  
> lyubov moya: my love  
> lyubimiy: beloved


End file.
